Posted on by nikita

Calls, Covers, Celebration and Commotion

Rakshabandhan is around the corner and we can already smell excitement in the otherwise drowsy atmosphere. The shoppers appear more attentive in following the city’s green, red, yellow, and orange traffic lights rather than the colour-coded alerts that didn’t actualize as cautioned by the Indian Meteorological Department (IMD). Instead of raining cats and dogs as predicted by the IMD, only to be proven predictably wrong, it’s raining sales and discounts everywhere.

However, not everybody would be thrilled about the approaching festival. Some see the rakhi celebration as just another family gathering, and I don’t completely disagree. At the same time, that’s what festivals like Rakshabandhan, Diwali, Utarayan, and many more Indian festivals have evolved into — a family feast.

And today when joint families are becoming less common, such festivals could be considered a need of the hour even if one sees a family member only on special occasions, once or twice a year.

In fact, such a celebratory moment could be used as a springboard to start a conversation with this one-time-in-the-year-meeting brother or sister. To catch up with some of the latest titbits of each other’s lives.

I agree that more often than not there’s more commotion than communication during such gatherings, but that’s what life is all about—without chaos, can we understand calm?

And your peace is tested in every imaginable way — from selecting rakhis and gifts to finalizing the menu for the celebration. The prepping up for the celebration is more interesting than merely the day of celebration.

It begins with making calls by the ladies in the family to mama ki beti or bua ki beti or chacha ki beti or mausi ki beti, or a couple of these betiya, or all of them when there’s a Suraj Barjatia movie-type family. And then there are 3rd generation betiya also for whom calls are made. There’s a complete checklist of names the mother or the wife needs to keep a tab on so that none of them is missed.

Thinking out loud — why is it that the woman of the house (in most cases) has to make calls? Is there any such clause in the Constitution of Patriarchy that feminists should be directed to?

Or possibly, such a work of responsibility is awarded to women since they are the ones who score higher than men in areas of interpersonal relationships and social responsibility? Someone who understands how to bind families together. There are exceptions, of course.

Once you (the sister) have received the calls and checked the box next to each brother’s name, the scavenger hunt begins. You dash from one shop to another, looking for the right and affordable gifts for your brothers. (You generally have a budget to follow unless the Ambani(s) is the limit). Because there will be some who love chocolates, some who love mithai, some who prefer sugar-free cookies, and some who are under an oath to not have any mithai, chocolates, or cookies for a certain period.

Buying thoughtful gifts for your brothers can be daunting, but it’s fun too. Of course, brothers also make a humongous effort to prepare envelopes, also called covers (which again are generally bought by the woman of the house) for their sisters, considering the creeping inflation. Hopefully! 🙂

The covers remind me of the generation-old practice of maintaining a book to record the money given and received during festivals and marriages. Have you come across a 100-page hardcover notebook in your mother’s almirah, where they made a note of who gave what and when?

Preparing covers for numerous sisters is not as simple as Mr. Gandhi’s remark about ‘budget ka halwa’ might sound. Like the ‘halwa ceremony’, marking the final stage of the Budget, brothers decide on a budget a few days before Rakshabandhan — a traditional practice of deciding whom to give how much. Your bond with your brothers could be one of the criteria for the amount you would receive in a closed envelope. A deciding factor.

Might not be true for every individual. Because not everyone believes in following their parents’ age-old footsteps. Just as smartphones become smarter with each new update, brothers are becoming smarter by the day. They understand that, with time, the value of money has changed and so should the weight of the covers. (Some hint, just in case…:)

And finally, there’s D-Day. Happy celebration and happy commotion. Colourful rakhis, kumkum, fancy covers and gifts, and family lunch or dinner.

*****

A quick reality check:
Are we celebrating the bond between a brother and a sister for the sake of it? One more example of conditioning since we’ve been tying rakhi from a very young age? Is it perfunctory? Or are genuine emotions of love and care at play on both sides?

*****

Brother: What do you want for this Rakshabandhan?
Sister: Acknowledgement.

Source of the image – https://cdn.siasat.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/images-11.jpeg

Posted on by nikita

#CelebWatch NJ @ A Social Function

Aamir Khan’s day out!

It sounds so much like – Baby’s Day Out. 1994 movie. Here it’s not a baby though. It’s a big babo. For us, the Gujaratis, a baby is a baby – a girl. Chhokri. And babo is a boy. Chhokro. And you can still be addressed as babo and baby even after you have crossed the age limit of infancy. Even when you are a parent to a baby boy or a baby girl.

In the past, my parents would be asked – Tamari baby su kare che? (What does your daughter do?) And they would happily respond – Amari baby have baby nathi rahi. Paranva layak thai gai che. (She is no longer a small girl now. She is old enough for marriage.)

With time they had to change their answer. 

*****

Kareena Kapoor Khan was spotted outside a salon in the city today! She looked stunning as always in her khaki baggy pants and a black T-back top, with a pair of expensive sunglasses.

We get such news on social media every day. And this made me ponder, what kind of news would be set floating on social media for an asocial person like me. Not antisocial, mind it.

NJ (that’s me) was spotted at a social function! She wore a Duchenne smile (which seemed fake) on her seemingly unapproachable face, with a pair of cat-eye glasses. While some of her fans considered the glasses made her look older, others considered it as a mark of an aspiring writer. 

Fans gathered to click pictures of Kareena, blocking the way to her car. She couldn’t deny selfies with some of them. 

So that her fewer fans, other than a few friends, can’t spot her in the multitude of people where most of the time she felt lost, NJ spotted an empty chair on the rear end of the 3rd row near a pedestal fan. In a futile attempt to reach to the spot unnoticed, she was eventually followed by a couple of her fans who prodded her into seemingly intelligent conversations with them. But the soft consonants and vowels uttered by her in between these conversations were shredded to pieces by the huge rotating blades of the fan.

And when she was not talking, she would be posing awkwardly for some pictures with them, since they supposedly wanted to keep some memories of her. The buzz was they might not see her again for a year or two. Or until her 50s.

There were selfie lovers too in the crowd. NJ had to give in to their persistent humble requests as well. Already trolled for her alleged snobbery, she wanted to refrain from any controversial actions, behaviour and comments. Last time her behaviour was misconstrued.

Click! Click! Spot on! 

*****

Friend: Did you watch Mungerilal Ke Haseen Sapne when you were small?
Me: My dear friend, many a true word is spoken in jest.

Source of the image – https://aglaiapsicologia.es/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/tF1KhbkNpyk.jpg

Posted on by nikita · 1 Comment

I Need A Wife Too, Twinkle!

Clue 1: Do you remember the devil of the 1990s? The one in a green gown like a cape, 2 horns on his shimmering bald head, an ominous green snake around his shoulders, long green nails, and a mocking smile. 

Clue 2: Neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride!

Does the bell ring for you? Yes, I am sure you do remember – the ones who are in their 40s and above will do – the advertisement for Onida TV with the above tagline. The company has of course changed its tagline since TV is no more a commodity to envy. Unless you suffer from envy because you do not have a Smart TV. 

Hey, wait! I have no intention to add to your knowledge of the definition of ‘envy’ and its 2 kinds – ‘malicious envy’ and ‘benign envy’. You can just read it, if you want to, by clicking on the hyperlink. 

What I intend to talk about is how sometimes I envy #TwinkleKhanna. Of course, I enjoy reading her works with scintillating humour and scathing sarcasm. Her puns are fun. The reason for my envy is because of the time she can invest in writing. But you know what, I got to know that she envies #AmishTripathi – the author whose novels have a mythological aspect associated with them. Twinkle has confessed her envy on one of the talk shows.

In the talk show held by the Hindustan Times, both the authors, Twinkle and Amish shared their daily routines. What time they wake up, their writing hours, the change in their career. Basically about an author’s life and their works. Twinkle goes on to say that a man doesn’t have to worry about sending kids to school and running around the house in the morning. He is not a wife and a mother. This is the major reason for her being benignly envious of Amish. Yeah, stereotypically true. 

It seemed that Twinkle had done proper research on Amish. How he spends around 30 – 45 minutes reading four different newspapers and does pooja for about half an hour. How he keeps some cream biscuits handy while writing.

While he could use a few morning hours in knowing what’s happening outside in the world so as to get some inspiration for his writings, Mrs Khanna would remain busy sending her kids to school. And somewhere during this show or a different one – I don’t remember – she remarks that she yearns to have a privilege like Amish, but for that, she continues – ‘I need a wife’. 

This statement stuck with me. I realised. Hey! I too need a wife. 

No, no. Don’t get me wrong. I do not fall in the ‘other’ gender category. I always check the box against ‘F’ on forms. 

This reminds me of a hilarious incident that happened to me when I started designing after my college. I know I am diverging from my topic but, you know, nowadays diversions are what we see all around in the city. And as if this is not enough, there are people who think that their fathers have built the roads and they have all the rights to use them as they want. They block them, barricade them by parking scooters or putting a multitude of bamboos whenever they please, either for marriage or some religious functions or some political bhasan. So, it’s like a subset of a set of diversions. 

Diversions seem to have gotten into my small head. 

Back to what I was saying. One of my cousins and I were, and are, quite close to each other. We were partners in women’s wear design. We would chat for hours outside my house discussing designs and other things. At times she would lean against my scooter in such a way that her face would be quite close to mine. Naturally, we also had secrets. But our body language seemed to have sent the wrong message to someone who was always watching us from above. I am sure it would not have mattered to the Father in the heaven that we were different from others as He didn’t mind it in the time of Mahabharata and Ramayana as well.

Purush napunsak nari va jiv charachar koi / Sarv bhav bhaj kapat taji mohi param priy soi.
(Any man, any transgender, any woman, any living being, as long as they give up deceit and come to me with love for all, they are dearest to me.) – Immortal India by Amish Tripathi

– https://www.hindustantimes.com/

We realized that it was her nani who kept an eye on us. She lived across from my ancestral house. She seemed to spy on us and our behaviour. Maybe, she wanted to make sure we followed the PDA policy. Why? Because during that time Deepa Mehta’s movie ‘Fire’ was in the news. And our dear nani with big diamond studs fancied us to be in some unnatural relationship. I am sure she would have been elated and relieved when my cousin chose a man to marry after a few years. 

So, back to the context – ‘I need a wife too’. 

It is almost a year without any job and I am comparatively free and relaxed. I have created an opportunity for myself to read and write. However, as a middle-class woman, I still can’t manage to live my life like Twinkle Khanna. Nor even like Amish Tripathi. Many times, fruitlessly I have tried clapping my hands with authority in the hope of getting my work done by some attendants. Sadly, no one came through the wooden doors. But it makes me feel good to think that even if I don’t have people at my beck and call, I still have some people who envy my life as well.

You see, life is a full circle, with some diversions of course. 

Many people have told me that they envy my life. Life with lesser responsibilities and the privilege and freedom to do what I want to do. Yeah, at least I do not have to wait for a husband who also returns from work and spends more time on the mobile than spending time with the family. At least, I don’t have to make haste in preparing meals for the family immediately after I freshen up. And, at least, I don’t have to handle my kids and their homework singlehandedly most of the time.  

Hey! Should I take some pride to be the owner of such a privilege while making my neighbours writhe in envy? 

Source of the image – https://t.pimg.jp/061/780/991/1/61780991.jpg

Posted on by nikita

All Text And No Emoji Makes You A Dull 👩🏻/👨🏻?! 

diy yellow easter eggs


Source – https://omniglot.com/writing/egyptian.htm

Do you understand what is written in this pictorial image? Nor did I until I read the translation. This Ancient Egyptian Language or Hieroglyphic script means – ‘The crocodile eats the king’. 

The English we use today is the filtered form of hieroglyphics. And our love for symbolic language, what we call emoji, seems to bring back memories of primitive times. Needless to say, hieroglyphs have a specific meaning attached to them but emojis do not.  

In one of his interviews, Mr. Shigetaka Kurita, the man who designed emojis in 1999, has said that he came up with this idea of emojis to help people communicate their emotions if they can’t find right word to describe them. 

Mr. S (I will call him so), you have been too kind to create wonderful emojis, especially for those who always fall short of words to communicate their thoughts and emotions. But Mr. S sometimes your emojis seem to confuse me, especially when they are used in isolation. You tell me, what should I make out of these three different emojis for the same piece of writing sent by three different readers?

🔥

👌

😄

  • Was the content fiery or enlightening or destructive?
  • Was the language fantastic or was the idea of writing such a piece a wonderful idea in itself?
  • Was the piece of writing humorous or laughable?

This pictorial idea of communication seems to have replaced man’s command over the language. It seems that we do not wish to put some effort into thinking about the right vocabulary. We want to accomplish things very easily and quickly. We do not want to spend time mulling over the right word at the right place. We simply want to use a few emojis and get it done with it. 🙂

The fun part is at times many of us don’t even know the right meaning of many emojis. I myself have used the emoji 🤓 while acknowledging the feedback I receive for my write-ups. Since I wear a similar pair of glasses, I would send this emoji along with a few words of gratitude. But who knew that it meant ‘nerd’? A ‘geek’! Of course, I am not a nerd. 

Recently, I sent a 🤟 emoji with a GM message as a reply to one of my good friends. A happily-married 👨. When he asked me the meaning of the emoji, I confidently said that it was just a Yo! – a happy exclamation. Something like a hip-hop style. But the actual meaning of it is ‘I ❤ you’. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. 🙈

Sometimes chatting with too many people at the same time may also give rise to amusing or I would rather say embarrassing episodes. Have you ever sent a 🖕 instead of a 👆? 

Emojis are fun to use in communication. However, they shouldn’t replace words. Can I call them pictorial adjectives? They were created to be added to the written text for entertainment as well as to avoid any miscommunication through a written text or message. Many times even written text messages fail to communicate the exact message in the right tone. I have had several such experiences. In such a case, I would add a 😊 emoji so as to convey to the receiver that whatever was said was said in all earnestness without any malice. Emojis like 🙂😄☺ work. 

At least for me. Don’t know about you. 

                         ***

Hey! Just remembered one more personal experience. I don’t know why people always considered me (or do they even today?) grave and unapproachable. Obviously, from the look of my face. I just wonder what would be an appropriate emoji to describe my face or gesture in my days of yore. 

🤔…

Didn’t find any suitable emoji. ☹

Mr. S, you got some more work to do. 😉