With sincere apologies to Roxette.
Lay a wisp of hair
On my pillow
In the blanket
On the ground
I wake up lonely
This (h)air of silence
In the bedroom
And all around
My latest pet peeve is finding strands of hair on my mattress, pillow and on every glistening white tile of my modest flat. In the morning, when I try to focus on inhaling and exhaling microbial air in different postures of Surya Namaskar, my unspectacled eyes fall on those valuable assets, strewn all around like the petals of flowers for the mehboob who won’t arrive.
Some prefer to remain isolated as a single strand, seemingly enjoying solitude. In contrast, others tango in pairs, evoking envious looks from the watchers, and still others crowd and coil in groups, experiencing existential crises.
While Hastapadasan-ing and making a painful effort to touch the palms on the floor, I trap a strand or two under my square palm, forbidding them to escape into the thin air. I walk to the window in between my poses and discard them with a heavy heart and a lighter head.
Mourning their departure till they disappear in the Brahmand they birthed from, I resume from where I left off. Moving ahead, the Dandasana pose helps me to have a bird’s-eye view of my surroundings, much like a hawk, trying to spot its prey. As soon as I can locate the tiny, silky bits, I go down to the floor in the Ashtanga pose and exhale vigorously through my mouth instead of my routinely used nostrils, driving them away for the time being.
Since yoga has a reputation for bringing calmness to the body and mind, I would not want to tarnish its well-established local and global reputation. So, I have learnt to find a sliver of positivity in such a dire state of the thing of beauty, despite being stripped of the joy I once had. I happily tell myself that at least my hair hasn’t turned into fifty shades of grey yet, even when I’m pacing towards 50.
With age, if I’m losing something, I’m also gaining something in return — experience and wisdom, validating Carl Jung’s idea of ‘individuation’. Of course, there are some visible and invisible (to others) changes in me, such as thinning hair, drier skin, weaker bone density, foggy memory, mood swings, hot flashes, and many other irritating symptoms. But I still feel excited like the batswoman who is one run short of getting a 50. The reason for this excitement is that I’m in the age slot (and I’m banking on my mom’s and nani’s genetics) when one can finally say tata bye-bye to the monthly trauma, which begins as early as adolescence.
From adolescence, willingly or unwillingly, women prepare themselves to handle their periods and the cramps that never fail to accompany them. While some cultures celebrate menstruation, marking a girl’s first menstruation and her transitioning to womanhood, I would like to celebrate the end of it. Just because I feel it’s enough. Enough of the pain. Because hair is not the only thing I wait to lose with age.
*****
He: I can’t feel, but I can see that you’re in pain.
She: Finally. Ty.
To all the men
Happy International Men’s Day
