Disclaimer: A fictionalized session whose idea materialized as a blog from various videos in my YouTube feed. Any resemblance to real procedures is coincidental, exaggerated, and satirical.
Winter Session 2025: Lok Sabha – December 1
Clad in pristine white, Shree Shree presided over the Parliamentary session as the Speaker. One-of-a-kind experience to handle the parliamentary pandemonium for an otherwise benign soul. Conscious of his soft, lyrical voice, he requested his fiery competitor, Shivguru, vibrantly donned in a rich blue silk turban and khes, to accompany him as the Deputy Speaker.
Unconstitutional?
Of course. Like leaders, like speakers.
Both these spiritual gurus were present to ensure that there was no bait in the form of words, slogans, actions, or behaviour from any political clan that could create clouds of rage, polluting the already hazardous Delhi air and thereby surpassing the latest AQI report.
Zero Hour
The House wants to know why the leader of the Opposition was excluded from the official banquet hosted in honour of the Russian President by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Does it …?
Before the MP of the Opposition Party could complete his question, there was an immediate uproar from the Ruling Party over the use of the new alias, ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’. The comparison of the leader of the nation to the fictional dark wizard from the Harry Potter story immediately served as bait for them. It touched a raw nerve, transforming the Parliament into a battlefield of jibes rather than a mature debate.
Baffled and bewildered — not just by the commotion but also by the parliamentarians’ unexpected level of literacy — the guru looked expectantly at the Deputy Speaker to apprise the leader in the Opposition to ask a relevant question. To stick to the question that had been sent to them for review, and make the right use of the zero hour, i.e. raising questions that require urgent and immediate attention and discussions.
Sadly, the restless, unawakened souls didn’t maintain the decorum of the House, despite repeated warnings, and what followed was disruption, dissolution and dispersion.
As days passed, sick of the pollution — inside and outside the Parliament — politicians trudged towards the closing day of the Winter Session. Btw, the LoP was able to sneak out to a foreign land for a few days amidst the Parliamentary session.
December 19 – Last day – Question hour
The Dhurandhar effect
After taking permission from the Speaker and Deputy Speaker, Mr S.Ahmed, an MP from Bengal, raised a question about the film Dhurandhar. He demanded that the MIB (Ministry of Information and Broadcasting) minister inform the House whether such hatred-inciting movies, featuring an actor against whom an FIR was filed in 2022 for an obscene photo shoot, be created. Shouldn’t the freedom of creative expression of such creators be curtailed?
To err is human, respected Speaker and Deputy Speaker. We all make mistakes. Don’t we have politicians in Parliament with FIRs and criminal cases against them?
Aware of the fact that some FIRs have also been lodged against them, the spiritual leaders look at each other in the hope of some silent support. But their extrospective silence is ruptured by the response of the MIB minister.
I want to ask my outside-the-parliament friend if the Opposition would survive without any freedom of creative expression? They should be grateful to the government for accommodating their whimsical narratives, especially those of their leader. For instance, vote chori is responsible for pollution; Indian democracy is under attack; and many such other statements.
And as for my fellow-parliamentarian’s concern regarding cinematic freedom, I’d say that if our history books can have chapters on Mughal rulers, why can’t we have movies that glorify India?
Thump, thump, thump, …
*****
The House is adjourned sine die.
Vande Matram.
*****
Good News: The Winter session of Parliament concluded on Friday, with the Lok Sabha recording 111% productivity and the Rajya Sabha seeing 121% productivity.
(Source: https://indianexpress.com/article/india/winter-session-ends-ls-sees-111-productivity-rs-121-10429676/)
*****
Shri Shri: What’s the AQI? I overheard this word during lunch break.
Shivguru: Well … uhhh … In the Parliamentary context, it refers to the Anger Quotient Index.
Image source: idiva-media.ilnmedia.com
