Posted on by nikita

From a Hush to a Hash

Gone are the days of indistinct murmurs, funny gesticulation, and coded language. It seems so after 2018. The year when the Padman made an attempt to break the taboo around menstruation.

The recent debate in the parliament tells us that it is no longer a hush-hush subject of discussion. It is no longer smothered within the four walls of several households. And such open acknowledgment of their emotional and physical pain might have brought a sigh of relief – a hash –  to many menstruating women and girls. 

No. By no means do I want to argue in this blog about whether the Indian parliament should pass any law on ‘paid period leave’ at workspaces or not. What about those homemakers who have to cook (because their culture or religion allows them)? 

I am happy with the idea of people talking about periods, even though the conversations are through paid period leaves. Acknowledging the fact that periods are exhausting in every way and immensely painful for many. (At least for me.) And it’s not simply periods, more than that the rules and prohibitions that come along in many cultures in the name of religion. Again, I don’t want to delve into any discussion about whether gods passed any such law that women shouldn’t do certain things and not be in certain places while they are menstruating. He must have had more pressing issues to be addressed in His discourses. 

Sorry, but I have not been able to put this thought out of my mind for a long time. You can also ponder over it. 

Just imagine God sitting on the highest pedestal or the divine peak of some heavenly mountain sermonizing a vast assemblage of His followers. Patriarchy at its peak? Would He talk about menses or values like honesty, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, truth, love, non-violence, and so on? Is it that He must have instructed the women gathered there, “Please don’t come to me when you are in pain? Menstrual pain. I can’t help it. It’s your biology, your problem”. Or, do you think He must have said, “Hark, fair ladies! Thou hast sinn’d and transgressed, hence thou art destined to be women”! What if a woman dared to respond, “Thou, Heavenly Father, art born of a woman”.

Anyway, the point here is about having a dialogue. Even if it’s in the name of equal rights for women at workplaces or any other hidden political agenda, MP Manoj Kumar, without covering his face with his hand, debated on the topic of paid menstrual leave with the bahu of BJP in the parliament. 

Seems like we are progressing, even if it’s at a slower pace.

Because even today there are families who don’t talk about menstruation openly. Recently, a friend of mine called me. I asked him about the absence of his wife at a particular event. He said, “Enathi avai evu nahi hatu. Aaram hato”. Even when I was growing up, people in my family and friends used to talk in coded language. Personalized euphemism to make it sound polite. Phrases like ‘wicket padi gai’ or ‘out of order’ and gesticulations like tapping the head or a thumbs down were used to send the message that the woman was menstruating. The fun part was, and is, that the absence of the lady of the house at family functions, or festivals would indirectly send the message to all the relatives that she was going through the three painful days of the month. So, something that was supposed to be a hush-hush was out in the public. The amusing paradox of a woman’s life ha! 

Friend – What’s your take on ‘paid period leave’?
Me – Pondering. Period.

Happy Progressive New Year

Posted on by nikita

#CelebWatch NJ @ A Social Function

Aamir Khan’s day out!

It sounds so much like – Baby’s Day Out. 1994 movie. Here it’s not a baby though. It’s a big babo. For us, the Gujaratis, a baby is a baby – a girl. Chhokri. And babo is a boy. Chhokro. And you can still be addressed as babo and baby even after you have crossed the age limit of infancy. Even when you are a parent to a baby boy or a baby girl.

In the past, my parents would be asked – Tamari baby su kare che? (What does your daughter do?) And they would happily respond – Amari baby have baby nathi rahi. Paranva layak thai gai che. (She is no longer a small girl now. She is old enough for marriage.)

With time they had to change their answer. 

*****

Kareena Kapoor Khan was spotted outside a salon in the city today! She looked stunning as always in her khaki baggy pants and a black T-back top, with a pair of expensive sunglasses.

We get such news on social media every day. And this made me ponder, what kind of news would be set floating on social media for an asocial person like me. Not antisocial, mind it.

NJ (that’s me) was spotted at a social function! She wore a Duchenne smile (which seemed fake) on her seemingly unapproachable face, with a pair of cat-eye glasses. While some of her fans considered the glasses made her look older, others considered it as a mark of an aspiring writer. 

Fans gathered to click pictures of Kareena, blocking the way to her car. She couldn’t deny selfies with some of them. 

So that her fewer fans, other than a few friends, can’t spot her in the multitude of people where most of the time she felt lost, NJ spotted an empty chair on the rear end of the 3rd row near a pedestal fan. In a futile attempt to reach to the spot unnoticed, she was eventually followed by a couple of her fans who prodded her into seemingly intelligent conversations with them. But the soft consonants and vowels uttered by her in between these conversations were shredded to pieces by the huge rotating blades of the fan.

And when she was not talking, she would be posing awkwardly for some pictures with them, since they supposedly wanted to keep some memories of her. The buzz was they might not see her again for a year or two. Or until her 50s.

There were selfie lovers too in the crowd. NJ had to give in to their persistent humble requests as well. Already trolled for her alleged snobbery, she wanted to refrain from any controversial actions, behaviour and comments. Last time her behaviour was misconstrued.

Click! Click! Spot on! 

*****

Friend: Did you watch Mungerilal Ke Haseen Sapne when you were small?
Me: My dear friend, many a true word is spoken in jest.

Source of the image – https://aglaiapsicologia.es/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/tF1KhbkNpyk.jpg

Posted on by nikita · 1 Comment

I did some digging and I found this…

I hear the intermittent whistling in the distance. Yeah, the song too – Gadiwala aaya…kachra nikal…The song is playing in my head and I am anxiously alert. Today I can’t miss the garbage collector. If I miss them even today, my medium-size dustbin will overflow with two-day garbage. I can’t bear the putrid smell of gases when I open the lid to dump more in it.

O! The van is here. And it’s steering towards a different road. 

“Hey! Hello! Take this garbage.” 

Finally, one of the three workers hears my euphemistic shout. 

“Why aren’t you collecting garbage from every door in the street every now and then?” 

I get a curt reply with some displeasure on his face. “There are fewer workers on those days.” 

I wonder – Do they need more than three? Will more people fit on the vehicle?

So many times I have felt pity for these people who have to bear the unbearable stench of garbage. They dig their hands into the heap of unruly garbage to segregate it while on the wheels. Just as the Supreme Court dug into Sidhu’s unruly past, the road-rage case of 1988 for punching an elderly person to death. As sometimes some garbage collectors keep themselves inebriated to such an extent that they lose their sense of smell, it seems Sidhu was intoxicated by power and it took 34 years for such an insensible form of justice to bring him back to his senses. However, he will serve just 1 year of imprisonment. Thoko taali!

It’s good to know that the government is working towards Swachha Bharat Abhiyan, literally and metaphorically. But, at the same time, the work is done half-heartedly like some of these garbage collectors.

The average garbage collector’s gross salary in India is ₹2,12,465 or an equivalent hourly rate of ₹102 as per the survey by SalaryExpert. Frankly speaking, I don’t like the idea of asking or talking to someone about his/her salary. Immediately, it brings to my mind those Gujarati Uncles & Aunties (U/A) who are keen to know your ‘pagar’ (salary). Have you come across any of those who are neck-deep interested to know your pay package? 

Once they come to know that you are in this or that firm, they will remark – Pagar saaro malto hase ne? Ketlo male aasre? (You must be getting a good salary, right? Approximately how much do you get?) I can bet, it will be impossible for you to not answer them. The more you try to avoid such a rigorous inquiry, the harder they will try to shoot you with probing questions. Within 2 minutes you will surrender to their persistent interrogation unlike the alleged friends and colleagues investigated in Shushant Singh Rajput’s case. It is going to be 2 years in June and still the CBI has not been able to give closure to this case.

I also read somewhere that now the CBI has also denied the right to the citizens to dig for any information on this case under RTI query. Thank God, there is no RTI at a personal level to know one’s salary! 

No, by no means do I intend to take a dig on my dear Gujaratis. Not at all. 

Nevertheless, if you think through it, many of these good-humoured Gujarati U/A have the heart of a good Samaritan. They keep themselves updated about the status of the aspiring boys and girls/men and women who are ‘marriage material’. Our U/A would never let go of an opportunity to play the role of a marriage broker and that too without any brokerage. A good Samaritan after all! If some Jigneshbhai’s son has already crossed the age of 27 and has not found any Aishwarya Rai for himself in spite of a decent salary or a good business, or if some Sonalben’s daughter has not found an Akash Ambani even after 25, they will consider it their utmost, unsaid responsibility to find an appropriate match for him and her.

Overall, Gujaratis are hard-working, industrious people, be it in business, stock market, or family matters. They rise like a phoenix from the ashes after every failure. Even in the case of finding an alliance. If either of the parties involved in the alliance denies the marriage proposal, naturally the ego of our U/A is bruised, however, in no time, they get back into action. Once they have dug their heels in, they would not respite until the mission is accomplished. 

Generally, Gujaratis have two preferences –  beauty with brains or money with brains. The lucky ones may get all three – beauty, money, and brains.

As I said, I don’t intend to take a dig on Gujaratis, if I dig a little more, I am sure men and women across cultures will have similar preferences. By and large. 

You need an incredible amount of self-confidence to go digging around in someone’s brain – Ben Carson

Posted on by nikita · 1 Comment

I Need A Wife Too, Twinkle!

Clue 1: Do you remember the devil of the 1990s? The one in a green gown like a cape, 2 horns on his shimmering bald head, an ominous green snake around his shoulders, long green nails, and a mocking smile. 

Clue 2: Neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride!

Does the bell ring for you? Yes, I am sure you do remember – the ones who are in their 40s and above will do – the advertisement for Onida TV with the above tagline. The company has of course changed its tagline since TV is no more a commodity to envy. Unless you suffer from envy because you do not have a Smart TV. 

Hey, wait! I have no intention to add to your knowledge of the definition of ‘envy’ and its 2 kinds – ‘malicious envy’ and ‘benign envy’. You can just read it, if you want to, by clicking on the hyperlink. 

What I intend to talk about is how sometimes I envy #TwinkleKhanna. Of course, I enjoy reading her works with scintillating humour and scathing sarcasm. Her puns are fun. The reason for my envy is because of the time she can invest in writing. But you know what, I got to know that she envies #AmishTripathi – the author whose novels have a mythological aspect associated with them. Twinkle has confessed her envy on one of the talk shows.

In the talk show held by the Hindustan Times, both the authors, Twinkle and Amish shared their daily routines. What time they wake up, their writing hours, the change in their career. Basically about an author’s life and their works. Twinkle goes on to say that a man doesn’t have to worry about sending kids to school and running around the house in the morning. He is not a wife and a mother. This is the major reason for her being benignly envious of Amish. Yeah, stereotypically true. 

It seemed that Twinkle had done proper research on Amish. How he spends around 30 – 45 minutes reading four different newspapers and does pooja for about half an hour. How he keeps some cream biscuits handy while writing.

While he could use a few morning hours in knowing what’s happening outside in the world so as to get some inspiration for his writings, Mrs Khanna would remain busy sending her kids to school. And somewhere during this show or a different one – I don’t remember – she remarks that she yearns to have a privilege like Amish, but for that, she continues – ‘I need a wife’. 

This statement stuck with me. I realised. Hey! I too need a wife. 

No, no. Don’t get me wrong. I do not fall in the ‘other’ gender category. I always check the box against ‘F’ on forms. 

This reminds me of a hilarious incident that happened to me when I started designing after my college. I know I am diverging from my topic but, you know, nowadays diversions are what we see all around in the city. And as if this is not enough, there are people who think that their fathers have built the roads and they have all the rights to use them as they want. They block them, barricade them by parking scooters or putting a multitude of bamboos whenever they please, either for marriage or some religious functions or some political bhasan. So, it’s like a subset of a set of diversions. 

Diversions seem to have gotten into my small head. 

Back to what I was saying. One of my cousins and I were, and are, quite close to each other. We were partners in women’s wear design. We would chat for hours outside my house discussing designs and other things. At times she would lean against my scooter in such a way that her face would be quite close to mine. Naturally, we also had secrets. But our body language seemed to have sent the wrong message to someone who was always watching us from above. I am sure it would not have mattered to the Father in the heaven that we were different from others as He didn’t mind it in the time of Mahabharata and Ramayana as well.

Purush napunsak nari va jiv charachar koi / Sarv bhav bhaj kapat taji mohi param priy soi.
(Any man, any transgender, any woman, any living being, as long as they give up deceit and come to me with love for all, they are dearest to me.) – Immortal India by Amish Tripathi

– https://www.hindustantimes.com/

We realized that it was her nani who kept an eye on us. She lived across from my ancestral house. She seemed to spy on us and our behaviour. Maybe, she wanted to make sure we followed the PDA policy. Why? Because during that time Deepa Mehta’s movie ‘Fire’ was in the news. And our dear nani with big diamond studs fancied us to be in some unnatural relationship. I am sure she would have been elated and relieved when my cousin chose a man to marry after a few years. 

So, back to the context – ‘I need a wife too’. 

It is almost a year without any job and I am comparatively free and relaxed. I have created an opportunity for myself to read and write. However, as a middle-class woman, I still can’t manage to live my life like Twinkle Khanna. Nor even like Amish Tripathi. Many times, fruitlessly I have tried clapping my hands with authority in the hope of getting my work done by some attendants. Sadly, no one came through the wooden doors. But it makes me feel good to think that even if I don’t have people at my beck and call, I still have some people who envy my life as well.

You see, life is a full circle, with some diversions of course. 

Many people have told me that they envy my life. Life with lesser responsibilities and the privilege and freedom to do what I want to do. Yeah, at least I do not have to wait for a husband who also returns from work and spends more time on the mobile than spending time with the family. At least, I don’t have to make haste in preparing meals for the family immediately after I freshen up. And, at least, I don’t have to handle my kids and their homework singlehandedly most of the time.  

Hey! Should I take some pride to be the owner of such a privilege while making my neighbours writhe in envy? 

Source of the image – https://t.pimg.jp/061/780/991/1/61780991.jpg

Posted on by nikita

All Text And No Emoji Makes You A Dull 👩🏻/👨🏻?! 

diy yellow easter eggs


Source – https://omniglot.com/writing/egyptian.htm

Do you understand what is written in this pictorial image? Nor did I until I read the translation. This Ancient Egyptian Language or Hieroglyphic script means – ‘The crocodile eats the king’. 

The English we use today is the filtered form of hieroglyphics. And our love for symbolic language, what we call emoji, seems to bring back memories of primitive times. Needless to say, hieroglyphs have a specific meaning attached to them but emojis do not.  

In one of his interviews, Mr. Shigetaka Kurita, the man who designed emojis in 1999, has said that he came up with this idea of emojis to help people communicate their emotions if they can’t find right word to describe them. 

Mr. S (I will call him so), you have been too kind to create wonderful emojis, especially for those who always fall short of words to communicate their thoughts and emotions. But Mr. S sometimes your emojis seem to confuse me, especially when they are used in isolation. You tell me, what should I make out of these three different emojis for the same piece of writing sent by three different readers?

🔥

👌

😄

  • Was the content fiery or enlightening or destructive?
  • Was the language fantastic or was the idea of writing such a piece a wonderful idea in itself?
  • Was the piece of writing humorous or laughable?

This pictorial idea of communication seems to have replaced man’s command over the language. It seems that we do not wish to put some effort into thinking about the right vocabulary. We want to accomplish things very easily and quickly. We do not want to spend time mulling over the right word at the right place. We simply want to use a few emojis and get it done with it. 🙂

The fun part is at times many of us don’t even know the right meaning of many emojis. I myself have used the emoji 🤓 while acknowledging the feedback I receive for my write-ups. Since I wear a similar pair of glasses, I would send this emoji along with a few words of gratitude. But who knew that it meant ‘nerd’? A ‘geek’! Of course, I am not a nerd. 

Recently, I sent a 🤟 emoji with a GM message as a reply to one of my good friends. A happily-married 👨. When he asked me the meaning of the emoji, I confidently said that it was just a Yo! – a happy exclamation. Something like a hip-hop style. But the actual meaning of it is ‘I ❤ you’. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. 🙈

Sometimes chatting with too many people at the same time may also give rise to amusing or I would rather say embarrassing episodes. Have you ever sent a 🖕 instead of a 👆? 

Emojis are fun to use in communication. However, they shouldn’t replace words. Can I call them pictorial adjectives? They were created to be added to the written text for entertainment as well as to avoid any miscommunication through a written text or message. Many times even written text messages fail to communicate the exact message in the right tone. I have had several such experiences. In such a case, I would add a 😊 emoji so as to convey to the receiver that whatever was said was said in all earnestness without any malice. Emojis like 🙂😄☺ work. 

At least for me. Don’t know about you. 

                         ***

Hey! Just remembered one more personal experience. I don’t know why people always considered me (or do they even today?) grave and unapproachable. Obviously, from the look of my face. I just wonder what would be an appropriate emoji to describe my face or gesture in my days of yore. 

🤔…

Didn’t find any suitable emoji. ☹

Mr. S, you got some more work to do. 😉