Posted on by nikita

Chai pe charcha

street vendor making traditional indian chai

It wasn’t simply a conversation over a cup of tea, but the charcha was all about the amusing variety of ways people consume a cup of tea. 

For example, let me tell you about a friend of my cousin: he would arrange seven saucers on the dining table and pour tea into each of them. Then he would slurp it from every saucer, starting from 1 through 7. 

Instantly, this anecdote conjured up the image of Tom from my favourite Tom & Jerry cartoon in front of my unblinking eyes. Tom lapping his tongue, relishing what’s on a plate, before getting instigated by his all-time friend and foe, Jerry.

Just as their friendship is full of twists and turns, the real-world alliance of President Trump and his one-time dear friend, the Indian chaiwala, is also not immune to twists and turns. Lately, all his frequent taarif in honour of Mr. Modi seems to have turned into a virulent tariff. 

*****

Taarif karu kya uski jisne tumhe banaya…— an acquaintance who would empty the contents of the cup, the tea, into a thali and let the heat dissipate, thereby cooling it. By this time, she would get her daughter ready for school — dressing her in the school uniform, combing her hair, and preparing her lunchbox. Of course, she would know the difference between a tea that’s gone cold and iced tea. 

Just wondering, what she did with the tea scum? Would she just let it slip down her deprived throat, akin to kids who let bitter medicines glide down their resistant throat, or would she pinch it with her index finger and thumb, a neat pincer grasp, and discard the scum?

Surely, many of us must have come across people who remove tea scum and place it on the rim of a cup or on the side of a saucer. The sight of this waxy residue, stuck to the surface, is quite grotesque, like a ghostly skin on something once appealing. And if the vessels aren’t soaked or washed immediately, the scum gets as stubborn as it can, eventually bearing the brunt of the soapy scrub that is rubbed to and fro over it. 

*****

Scum. 

Sounds so derogatory. Like — ‘Hey! You scum! How dare you float on the surface of my tea! You thin, brown, good-for-nothing!’ 

Take a chill pill! I’m neither being racist nor disparaging. It’s just a vituperative outrage. Nowadays, the tu tadak and offensive language is considered normal, whether it’s satta, samaj, series, or cinema. Swearing seems to be the new vibe. 

Consciously or subconsciously, pejoratives are interwoven into many people’s day-to-day communication just like their staple food. It’s like daal-chawal for some, the absence of which is considered an incomplete meal; while, for others, it could be as soothing as an adruk ki chai.

*****

Chai adrukwali ho ya elaichiwali, no one dared to compete with a person I knew from my adolescent days when it came to drinking piping hot tea. For clarity’s sake, let’s assume that there were four people in a room who were to be served tea. This person would finish his tea before you reach the third person. We felt pity for the tender tissues of his mouth and tongue, and offered our condolences to them. But that’s how he enjoyed having his tea. 

And why just him? My aunt, who would always prefer things that are hot and happening, would cover her cup of tea with a tea coaster after pouring the first installment of tea into a saucer. Once she sips it, relishing every drop of it, she would pour the second portion into the saucer. That’s her style. 

It’s difficult to break the atomic habits she has built over the years, and why would anyone expect her to revise her preferences? After all, she doesn’t have to pay any GST on sipping the tea the way she wants. And, just as I decide what goes into my blog and what doesn’t, she also holds the fundamental right to determine what comes out of her cup.

*****

Journalist: SIR, how did you feel having tea with the ‘dead’ voters from Bihar?
Rahul: As dead as the Indian economy. 


Posted on by nikita

Fan, Fanatic, and Fantastic

Nowadays, my day starts with the banging of the hammer; the clanging of the rebars, sliding off a truck; the roaring machines; and the shouting of the labourers. Every other minor noise outside is lost in the din. But suddenly, one day, there was an eerie silence, as if everything came to a standstill.

In this unanticipated, random, peaceful hour, I stood up to switch on the fan. No sooner did I switch it on than the stillness in the atmosphere was punctuated by the squeaking of the fan. 

I was like, ‘Hey! I just got your capacitor changed so that you start working, and now you have found another way to seek my attention? It’s too much now.’

But, on a serious note, how much is too much? 

A whirring fan is just a small example from my day-to-day life, but what about the wife in Mumbai who made fantastic demands from her estranged husband of an 18-month-old marriage? A BMW, a luxury apartment, and ₹12 crore as part of alimony! 

Of course, there are some cases where alimony demands are genuine and a valid source of survival for a woman, especially when she is a homemaker, and when a woman is completely dependent on her husband. 

But this Mumbai divorce case in particular, and many recent divorce cases, where the wives have demanded huge alimony, give rise to debatable questions, like — where does genuine maintenance end and aspiration begin? Who draws the line between empowerment and entitlement? 

Some argue that some women play the victim card for the ease of a luxurious lifestyle, while others misuse the laws for women’s welfare, replacing them with official extortion from estranged husbands.

In such situations, how much is too much?

Even Mr. Trump, in his second presidential innings, appears to be portraying himself as a victim, assuming that America is being “ripped off” and “pillaged” by other nations in terms of trade. Caught between the dichotomy of being delusional about America’s economy and conscious of the fact that there’s neither peace nor prize for being a Nobel mediator between warring nations, the President has imposed unjustifiable tariffs on different countries — an unfair extortion at an international level?

For over four months, every night, he must have scratched his head, covered with blond hair —  yet again, a new colour, mulling over the question — How much tariff is too much tariff? And, every morning, for the same number of months, the leaders of different nations must have woken up to the fanatic ‘tweet, tweet’ notification sound. 

The twittering is still a pleasant sound, like music to the ears, reminding us of cute little sparrows, but the cooing and pooping of pigeons is slightly displeasing. At least to me. And apparently, such displeasure is not bound within the four walls of my house, but has entered the city of Mumbai as well. A dispute between the BMC and animal lovers has erupted in Dadar, regarding health concerns — BMC’s worry about the hazardous effects on human health due to the feathers and droppings of pigeons, and the protestors’ worry concerning the health of the pigeons of Kabutarkhana, who might starve to death if not timely fed. 

Again, how much is too much?

*****

Arjun: How much is too much?
Krishna: Parth, karm kar, phal ki chinta mat kar. 

Source of the image – https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ-6VOWXUYNmZ34qkOiRkZeXQCGPSaq6EN5CA&s

HAPPY JANMASHTAMI


Posted on by nikita

Fill-in-the-gap

people holding puzzle pieces

If filling generation gaps were as simple and easy as filling the gaps in an exam question paper! 

The inspiration for this analogy emerged from an interesting discussion among ‘pupils’ from different generations – Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z. 

I say ‘pupil’ because everyone engaged in the discussion learned one new thing about a generation distinct from their own. It seemed so. A new perspective. A different thought, encompassing topics such as social constructs, parenting, lifestyle, life partners, marriage, and religion.

Surely, the answers to the questions raised weren’t as easy and definitive as the responses to fill-in-the-blanks. We either fill in the blank with a correct answer or a wrong one. True for subjects that are based on logic and facts. For example, math, science, geography, civics, and so on. 

Those were fun exercises; easy-to-copy questions in exams, like other objective-type questions. What was true for my friend was also true for me. 

But we can’t be certain when the question involves filling a generational gap, since each generation has different options to consider. The probability of having a definitive answer is negligible. It’s more like literature, history (a blend of objectivity and subjectivity), art, and music that are subjective. These subjects require interpretive, analytical, and evaluative skills, which are also vital for understanding the communication gaps between people across generations. 

On second thought, a lack of communication is also evident between people belonging to the same generation. And sometimes the result is violent and gory — a recent Meghalaya honeymoon murder case.

In some cases, despite the language of communication being the same, people fail to understand each other; in others, language itself becomes a battleground. For instance, a brawl between an auto driver and a commuter in Bengaluru over language use — the driver demanding to speak in Kannada and the commuter speaking in Hindi and English. 

Wasn’t it unnecessary for both parties to fight over language? 

When the rickshawala knew English (as shown in the viral video), he could have replied to the commuter in English. At the same time, if the commuter were a migrant, one would expect her to know the regional language. At least the basics.

And now that we already have AI to fill the language gap, why clash over languages? Use a Google translator and keep moving. What’s the big deal? Why create a ruckus over the language preference of the natives and non-natives? Instead, why can’t we respect and celebrate the diversity of languages? Isn’t India known for its ‘Unity in Diversity’? 

However, in today’s braver India, the slogan could be tweaked to ‘Unity in Adversity’, considering national unanimity during Operation Sindoor. Only if the still-young Gandhi doesn’t take any offence, much like he did with the EAM’s particular remark regarding Operation Sindoor. Mr. Gandhi claimed that Mr. S. Jaishankar had informed the Pakistani defence about the military operation ‘at the start’ of the attack. But anyway, most Indians already realize that filling the cognitive gap in Mr. Gandhi’s political and linguistic understanding is a tough task.  

In all probability, such a lack of understanding in an adult could be one of the reasons why the government insists on mandating multilingualism in the school syllabus, which enhances an individual’s cognitive abilities. The government would want kids to grow up into smarter adults for a progressive India. 

But, of course, like any other issue, the language issue is also politicized in India, particularly in the states of Maharashtra, Karnataka, and Tamil Nadu. Apart from daily skirmishes over the means of communication, which sometimes become fatal, the leaders in these states are engaged in a battle with the Centre over the three-language policy. 

Sometimes I wonder — Where do these people get so much energy from? Don’t they get tired of quarrelling over everything? Even if it’s their job to oppose, still, it must be stressful to fill in the unanswered blank by the government with sensible arguments every time. 

*****
Friend: Seems I need to stop binge-eating.
Me: Fill the gap in your belly applying the ‘Jordan Formula’. New gyan. 




Posted on by nikita

Reborn — The X-factor

‘Why don’t you buy a pet?’ comes one recommendation. 

Pets are adorable, but I prefer to be at arm’s length from pets and pethood.

‘Why don’t you adopt a child?’ That’s another.

At that moment, all I could hear in my mind’s ears was the beautiful song from the movie ‘Maachis’ — Chhod aaye hum woh galiyan … Gone are the days of potty training, teething troubles, and midnight burping. At the menopausal stage, managing my moods is somewhat challenging for me — how do I summon the elon to babysit a child as the trolled President Mr. Trump unintentionally did at the Oval Office? 

While Father Musk, an X-DOGE, was addressing the reporters regarding the scope of the Department of Government Efficiency work, Grandpa Trump was unexpectedly seen babysitting Musk’s X. Mind you, it’s not an Ex, it’s just X. Confusing naming trends, much like the language itself. After all, names are born out of a language.

The world is not unknown of the fact that Elon Musk takes his little X to almost every meeting, disregarding criticism — is it a gesture of parenthood or for creating some public perceptions? Similarly, many women across Brazil and the UAE are spotted taking ‘Reborn Dolls’ to different places, making me wonder for a nanosecond — How about adopting a reborn doll?

For those who are unaware, these dolls are gaining attention globally due to their life-like realism and intricate craftsmanship. A hobby turned into a million-dollar business for many craftsmen, and an adorable collection for art lovers. These dolls have also proven therapeutic benefits for women who struggle with infertility or infant loss.

Sifting through different options and on conscious pondering, I realize that I can’t adapt myself to adopt either a pet, a child, or even a reborn doll. I ain’t that adept. 

And seemingly neither is the LOP in India. Considering the current political status of the INDI alliance, they need to be adept enough to Modi-fy their weak and outdated narratives  — not just with slogans, but with substance — or it might cost the party more senior leaders (one could be Mr. Shashi Tharoor) who appear to be modi-fying themselves. The party may want to learn a different RaGa and reinvent itself from its threadbare political structure. It needs to become more realistic in its approach to fill the void of a strong opposition in a democratic nation, akin to the hyper-realistic reborn dolls, which fill the void in the lives of many women across the globe. 

Because Modi — a political figure who consistently and effectively redesigns his vision for a new India, for better or for worse? — doesn’t just believe in surgical strikes when needed, he also has the acumen to strike the spiritual chord of global citizens, as seen in his introduction of the Indian practice of yoga on the Global stage. From local to global — a shared vision for a healthier and more conscious world. 

Inspired by such initiatives, I decided to incorporate a few more yogic postures into my simple exercise routine, and in no time, the universe conspired to help me achieve it. In a couple of days, a good friend of mine shared information about an online yoga session. My third eye, meditatively trained to remain alert, immediately captured the message of the universe. Without much ado, I registered myself for the session. And in a couple of days, in harmony, my body and mind — which are not mine as per the spiritual concept of Sadhguru —  revealed to me that my not-so-younger tissues and muscles need to be reborn. 

All said and done, aren’t we all trying to reborn ourselves in one way or another? Be it at a personal, professional, or spiritual level.

*****

Friend: If given a chance, what would you want to be reborn as?
Me: The grass in my garden is sufficiently green.


Posted on by nikita

Rains, ruins, and remedies

Premature birth results from internal complications within a mother’s body; premature rains, the consequence of human-induced external disruptions. For instance, deforestation and urbanization. Unchecked human activities have a ruinous effect on the environment. 

One such corroboration is the recent unseasonal rains in May, affecting the mango crop yield in Gujarat. Not to mention the strong winds that knocked down baby mangoes from their mother tree. Prematurely. 

These are known facts. But I wonder if this untimely rain carried some subtle message for the city’s municipal corporation. 

Hey, when an apathetic civic authority finds it difficult to understand the obvious grievances of its citizens, how will it decipher hints from a voiceless rain? 

So, here I am — the voice of the rain, communicating its pitter-patter as a forewarning, something I attempted to decode.

  1. Make sure your city roads are sturdy enough to defend themselves from the mighty showers. Designer roads with different-sized patchwork don’t last long. Patchwork is aesthetically pleasing only on clothes, not on city roads. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell what’s weaker—the roads or the human conscience. 
  2. Make sure that the recently repaired roads across the city—which you’ve dug up again, this time for installing water pipelines—are timely and evenly smoothed out. On my last visit to Earth, hillocks of soil and gravel were visible on every other road.
  3. Make sure I don’t get mixed with the sewage waters in case I come down as torrential rains. Presumably, the city’s sewer system and drainage infrastructure are in place. I don’t want your citizens to blame me for any waterborne diseases. After all, ‘jal hi jeevan hai’. 
  4. Make sure there’s no waterlogging in the city. I don’t enjoy staying stagnant in one place. And that too, bearing the angry brunt of the commuters. I despise people giving me disdainful looks even when the fault isn’t mine. Let me reiterate—your city’s drainage infrastructure must be well-maintained.
  5. Make sure that after a week of my coming down, you install sign boards at every meter or two on the roads, especially cautioning the commuters on motorcycles about the menacing craters since these vehicles have little cushioning. For example, place sign boards indicating the width of a pothole – 3-4 feet, 4.5-5 feet, and so on. Possibly, also mention the depth of these potholes, warning the commuters to maintain their speed accordingly. Water-filled potholes camouflage their actual depth. These depressions not only reduce the vehicular life but also shorten the life of the riders because of accidents. 
  6. Make sure to also place sign boards indicating ‘KEEP RIGHT’ and ‘KEEP LEFT’  to guide the commuters through their dreadful journey on two-lane roads, helping them to dodge as many potholes as possible. That many of these two-lane roads have shrunk into a single-lane road because of the Metro project is a different story, though. On these roads, the commuters can only shift their bums right or left.  
  7. Make sure that the traffic police are effectively managing traffic jams, especially when the traffic signals are dysfunctional. More often than not, the traffic personnel are on their phones managing calls and messages, which leads to chaos at the crossroads. 

That’s all for now.

See you soon.  

*****

Mr Sharif: Mr Modi, can India give us lessons in effective rainwater harvesting?
Mr Modi: Talks only on terror and POK.