Posted on by nikita

Calls, Covers, Celebration and Commotion

Rakshabandhan is around the corner and we can already smell excitement in the otherwise drowsy atmosphere. The shoppers appear more attentive in following the city’s green, red, yellow, and orange traffic lights rather than the colour-coded alerts that didn’t actualize as cautioned by the Indian Meteorological Department (IMD). Instead of raining cats and dogs as predicted by the IMD, only to be proven predictably wrong, it’s raining sales and discounts everywhere.

However, not everybody would be thrilled about the approaching festival. Some see the rakhi celebration as just another family gathering, and I don’t completely disagree. At the same time, that’s what festivals like Rakshabandhan, Diwali, Utarayan, and many more Indian festivals have evolved into — a family feast.

And today when joint families are becoming less common, such festivals could be considered a need of the hour even if one sees a family member only on special occasions, once or twice a year.

In fact, such a celebratory moment could be used as a springboard to start a conversation with this one-time-in-the-year-meeting brother or sister. To catch up with some of the latest titbits of each other’s lives.

I agree that more often than not there’s more commotion than communication during such gatherings, but that’s what life is all about—without chaos, can we understand calm?

And your peace is tested in every imaginable way — from selecting rakhis and gifts to finalizing the menu for the celebration. The prepping up for the celebration is more interesting than merely the day of celebration.

It begins with making calls by the ladies in the family to mama ki beti or bua ki beti or chacha ki beti or mausi ki beti, or a couple of these betiya, or all of them when there’s a Suraj Barjatia movie-type family. And then there are 3rd generation betiya also for whom calls are made. There’s a complete checklist of names the mother or the wife needs to keep a tab on so that none of them is missed.

Thinking out loud — why is it that the woman of the house (in most cases) has to make calls? Is there any such clause in the Constitution of Patriarchy that feminists should be directed to?

Or possibly, such a work of responsibility is awarded to women since they are the ones who score higher than men in areas of interpersonal relationships and social responsibility? Someone who understands how to bind families together. There are exceptions, of course.

Once you (the sister) have received the calls and checked the box next to each brother’s name, the scavenger hunt begins. You dash from one shop to another, looking for the right and affordable gifts for your brothers. (You generally have a budget to follow unless the Ambani(s) is the limit). Because there will be some who love chocolates, some who love mithai, some who prefer sugar-free cookies, and some who are under an oath to not have any mithai, chocolates, or cookies for a certain period.

Buying thoughtful gifts for your brothers can be daunting, but it’s fun too. Of course, brothers also make a humongous effort to prepare envelopes, also called covers (which again are generally bought by the woman of the house) for their sisters, considering the creeping inflation. Hopefully! 🙂

The covers remind me of the generation-old practice of maintaining a book to record the money given and received during festivals and marriages. Have you come across a 100-page hardcover notebook in your mother’s almirah, where they made a note of who gave what and when?

Preparing covers for numerous sisters is not as simple as Mr. Gandhi’s remark about ‘budget ka halwa’ might sound. Like the ‘halwa ceremony’, marking the final stage of the Budget, brothers decide on a budget a few days before Rakshabandhan — a traditional practice of deciding whom to give how much. Your bond with your brothers could be one of the criteria for the amount you would receive in a closed envelope. A deciding factor.

Might not be true for every individual. Because not everyone believes in following their parents’ age-old footsteps. Just as smartphones become smarter with each new update, brothers are becoming smarter by the day. They understand that, with time, the value of money has changed and so should the weight of the covers. (Some hint, just in case…:)

And finally, there’s D-Day. Happy celebration and happy commotion. Colourful rakhis, kumkum, fancy covers and gifts, and family lunch or dinner.

*****

A quick reality check:
Are we celebrating the bond between a brother and a sister for the sake of it? One more example of conditioning since we’ve been tying rakhi from a very young age? Is it perfunctory? Or are genuine emotions of love and care at play on both sides?

*****

Brother: What do you want for this Rakshabandhan?
Sister: Acknowledgement.

Source of the image – https://cdn.siasat.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/images-11.jpeg

Posted on by nikita

Sacred Saffron: The smell, the sight, the scare.

“Kesar joiye che biju?” 

The word kesar immediately conjured up images of kesari dhwaja everywhere in the city. Coincidentally, I was preparing mithai on 22nd January 2024. And my mom had called me to ask if I needed more saffron for my mithai preparation. 

January 2024 was the month of saffron. Saffron was omnipresent. And now, it seems, it is omnipotent too. The demand for saffron flags had skyrocketed, generating earning opportunities for the seasonal hawkers. Suddenly, roadside hawkers, who make a cameo appearance before the 15th of August, 26th of January, and 25th of December, selling miniature Indian national flags and Christmas caps, showed up out of thin air even this time. There was a surge in saffron flags and banners of varied sizes with the image of the deity, His devotee, and His controversial abode. Huge saffron banners covering the length of high-rise buildings were also put up to remind people of their culture and religion. 

Is it just the colour people need to remember, or even the associated conduct? 

I completely respect people’s love for their religion. After all, India is known for its varied range of religions. But what confuses me is the frenzy attached to religion. And for that matter any religion. As the date of consecration ceremony was approaching near, I felt more apprehensive.

What if such a show of a particular religious belief led to some unforeseen disorder and disturbance?

And then, the next month was the month of red. Suddenly, we see a sea of red across the city. A display of red clothing and lingerie in shop-fronts. Gift shops display paraphernalia related to Valentine’s Day – all lovely reds. I am not sure if even today this day is celebrated with the same fervour as in the days of Archie’s card. I remember seeing huge cards in gift shops with poetic messages for loved ones: even red and pink teddy bears and soft heart-shaped cushions. I was blessed enough to see them, but not enough to receive any.

With time, the idea of cards and gifts seems to have changed just as the understanding of the meaning of valentine. During my time, the celebration was limited between lovers: a boy and a girl; a husband and a wife. Oh! The romantic charm of yesteryear’s tokens! Today, not many people would want to make an effort to go out and shop for their loved ones. BTW, love is not just a feeling; it’s an effort. Now gift items like flowers, chocolates, jewellery, and so on are just a click and a doorbell away. So, no more the moral Sang(h) and Rang to worry about. No more worries about saff-run (to your houses). Love is still in the air. 

You must be thinking why am I celebrating vasi uttarayan now? Because even today when I sit back and think about these events, I ponder – Do we need religious tokens in excess to establish our religiosity? Do we need to make a show of it? Do we need ostentatious religious rituals to prove that we are religious? And nationalists as well? 

*****

Of course, we do need tokens of love. Even if hearts fly across the screen.

Friend: Maryada Purushottam Ram is a vyavahar (demeanour).
Me: Agreed. It’s not a vyapar (business).

Posted on by nikita

From a Hush to a Hash

Gone are the days of indistinct murmurs, funny gesticulation, and coded language. It seems so after 2018. The year when the Padman made an attempt to break the taboo around menstruation.

The recent debate in the parliament tells us that it is no longer a hush-hush subject of discussion. It is no longer smothered within the four walls of several households. And such open acknowledgment of their emotional and physical pain might have brought a sigh of relief – a hash –  to many menstruating women and girls. 

No. By no means do I want to argue in this blog about whether the Indian parliament should pass any law on ‘paid period leave’ at workspaces or not. What about those homemakers who have to cook (because their culture or religion allows them)? 

I am happy with the idea of people talking about periods, even though the conversations are through paid period leaves. Acknowledging the fact that periods are exhausting in every way and immensely painful for many. (At least for me.) And it’s not simply periods, more than that the rules and prohibitions that come along in many cultures in the name of religion. Again, I don’t want to delve into any discussion about whether gods passed any such law that women shouldn’t do certain things and not be in certain places while they are menstruating. He must have had more pressing issues to be addressed in His discourses. 

Sorry, but I have not been able to put this thought out of my mind for a long time. You can also ponder over it. 

Just imagine God sitting on the highest pedestal or the divine peak of some heavenly mountain sermonizing a vast assemblage of His followers. Patriarchy at its peak? Would He talk about menses or values like honesty, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, truth, love, non-violence, and so on? Is it that He must have instructed the women gathered there, “Please don’t come to me when you are in pain? Menstrual pain. I can’t help it. It’s your biology, your problem”. Or, do you think He must have said, “Hark, fair ladies! Thou hast sinn’d and transgressed, hence thou art destined to be women”! What if a woman dared to respond, “Thou, Heavenly Father, art born of a woman”.

Anyway, the point here is about having a dialogue. Even if it’s in the name of equal rights for women at workplaces or any other hidden political agenda, MP Manoj Kumar, without covering his face with his hand, debated on the topic of paid menstrual leave with the bahu of BJP in the parliament. 

Seems like we are progressing, even if it’s at a slower pace.

Because even today there are families who don’t talk about menstruation openly. Recently, a friend of mine called me. I asked him about the absence of his wife at a particular event. He said, “Enathi avai evu nahi hatu. Aaram hato”. Even when I was growing up, people in my family and friends used to talk in coded language. Personalized euphemism to make it sound polite. Phrases like ‘wicket padi gai’ or ‘out of order’ and gesticulations like tapping the head or a thumbs down were used to send the message that the woman was menstruating. The fun part was, and is, that the absence of the lady of the house at family functions, or festivals would indirectly send the message to all the relatives that she was going through the three painful days of the month. So, something that was supposed to be a hush-hush was out in the public. The amusing paradox of a woman’s life ha! 

Friend – What’s your take on ‘paid period leave’?
Me – Pondering. Period.

Happy Progressive New Year

Posted on by nikita

An order that brought disorder to an odd-er mind. What if…

colorful drawings on wall

‘Hello! I am Tarun. I am here to assist you today. Hope you are doing good. Please tell me how can I help you?’

My communications – chat and telephonic –  with agents of the largest online retailer would start with these professionally pleasing words. For almost a week, every time I had to narrate the same story to different agents. Almost 9-10 agents. (I would get calls from their Customer Care Service every other day. Thus the numbers:)) At one point I wanted to tell them badly – Please, change the narrative. Let’s just get down to business. No pleasantries. No formalities. But, still, I hadn’t lost my sanity to the point of being disrespectful. 

I would just repeat the same question – Where’s my order?

No sooner had these words left my partially cracked winter lips, than I was bombarded with a volley of counter questions.

Ma’am, could you please tell me the date when you placed the order for these two items? Ma’am, could you please confirm your mobile number and address? Didn’t you get any call from the delivery agent? Did you call him on the sms-ed mobile number to track your order? Ma’am, could you please share the tracking ID of your order?

And every conversation ended with empathetic words from them – I can understand.

Did they really?

Is it possible to feel empathetic at all times? 

I pondered, what if – 

A man tells a woman I can understand your frustration when your pics on IG do not get ‘likes’ in 2 digits along with some positive comments. 

A woman tells a man I can understand the relief you feel when you shed a few tears you are accustomed to holding back. 

A teacher tells the parents I can understand the hopelessness you feel even when your child’s indefatigable endeavours do not give the desired result. 

A wife tells her husband I can understand your annoyance when even on Sundays you are deprived of peace of mind due to the mayhem around. I witness it daily.

Akshay Kumar tells Ranbir Kapoor I can understand that unspeakable disappointment when your films turn out to be a massive failure in a single year.  

Jacqueline Fernandez tells Nora Fatehi I can understand the mental trauma of accepting expensive gifts from a con man whose criminal background we are not aware of. 

Rahul Gandhi tells Kejriwal I can understand the embarrassment you feel after losing the political battle by a huge margin against the BJP in Gujarat. 

Putin tells Zelensky I can understand your feeling of nationalism even when the ramifications of our decisions have brought destruction and death to many.

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me, and the entire human race
– Dangerous by MJ

2023 – I am feeling scared. In a year my life will come to an end.
2022 – I can understand. 

Merry Christmas
Wish you a Happy & Happening 2023

 

Posted on by nikita · 1 Comment

I did some digging and I found this…

I hear the intermittent whistling in the distance. Yeah, the song too – Gadiwala aaya…kachra nikal…The song is playing in my head and I am anxiously alert. Today I can’t miss the garbage collector. If I miss them even today, my medium-size dustbin will overflow with two-day garbage. I can’t bear the putrid smell of gases when I open the lid to dump more in it.

O! The van is here. And it’s steering towards a different road. 

“Hey! Hello! Take this garbage.” 

Finally, one of the three workers hears my euphemistic shout. 

“Why aren’t you collecting garbage from every door in the street every now and then?” 

I get a curt reply with some displeasure on his face. “There are fewer workers on those days.” 

I wonder – Do they need more than three? Will more people fit on the vehicle?

So many times I have felt pity for these people who have to bear the unbearable stench of garbage. They dig their hands into the heap of unruly garbage to segregate it while on the wheels. Just as the Supreme Court dug into Sidhu’s unruly past, the road-rage case of 1988 for punching an elderly person to death. As sometimes some garbage collectors keep themselves inebriated to such an extent that they lose their sense of smell, it seems Sidhu was intoxicated by power and it took 34 years for such an insensible form of justice to bring him back to his senses. However, he will serve just 1 year of imprisonment. Thoko taali!

It’s good to know that the government is working towards Swachha Bharat Abhiyan, literally and metaphorically. But, at the same time, the work is done half-heartedly like some of these garbage collectors.

The average garbage collector’s gross salary in India is ₹2,12,465 or an equivalent hourly rate of ₹102 as per the survey by SalaryExpert. Frankly speaking, I don’t like the idea of asking or talking to someone about his/her salary. Immediately, it brings to my mind those Gujarati Uncles & Aunties (U/A) who are keen to know your ‘pagar’ (salary). Have you come across any of those who are neck-deep interested to know your pay package? 

Once they come to know that you are in this or that firm, they will remark – Pagar saaro malto hase ne? Ketlo male aasre? (You must be getting a good salary, right? Approximately how much do you get?) I can bet, it will be impossible for you to not answer them. The more you try to avoid such a rigorous inquiry, the harder they will try to shoot you with probing questions. Within 2 minutes you will surrender to their persistent interrogation unlike the alleged friends and colleagues investigated in Shushant Singh Rajput’s case. It is going to be 2 years in June and still the CBI has not been able to give closure to this case.

I also read somewhere that now the CBI has also denied the right to the citizens to dig for any information on this case under RTI query. Thank God, there is no RTI at a personal level to know one’s salary! 

No, by no means do I intend to take a dig on my dear Gujaratis. Not at all. 

Nevertheless, if you think through it, many of these good-humoured Gujarati U/A have the heart of a good Samaritan. They keep themselves updated about the status of the aspiring boys and girls/men and women who are ‘marriage material’. Our U/A would never let go of an opportunity to play the role of a marriage broker and that too without any brokerage. A good Samaritan after all! If some Jigneshbhai’s son has already crossed the age of 27 and has not found any Aishwarya Rai for himself in spite of a decent salary or a good business, or if some Sonalben’s daughter has not found an Akash Ambani even after 25, they will consider it their utmost, unsaid responsibility to find an appropriate match for him and her.

Overall, Gujaratis are hard-working, industrious people, be it in business, stock market, or family matters. They rise like a phoenix from the ashes after every failure. Even in the case of finding an alliance. If either of the parties involved in the alliance denies the marriage proposal, naturally the ego of our U/A is bruised, however, in no time, they get back into action. Once they have dug their heels in, they would not respite until the mission is accomplished. 

Generally, Gujaratis have two preferences –  beauty with brains or money with brains. The lucky ones may get all three – beauty, money, and brains.

As I said, I don’t intend to take a dig on Gujaratis, if I dig a little more, I am sure men and women across cultures will have similar preferences. By and large. 

You need an incredible amount of self-confidence to go digging around in someone’s brain – Ben Carson